I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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