Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
