The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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