its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
