I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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