He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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