I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
