yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
