on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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