I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize