so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
