Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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