im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
