If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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