i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
