Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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