Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize