I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
