i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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