I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
