so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
