so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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