if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
