you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
