Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
