this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
