So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
