i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
