Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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