The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
