:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Randomize
