I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
