Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
