I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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