i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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