I'd wear matching sweaters with you
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
