you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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