the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize