My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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