i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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