I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
