I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
