I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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