he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
