Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
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