I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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