woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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