like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
