do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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