ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
