This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
