We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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