the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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