I never want to see another naked old woman again.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
