Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize