I swear she didn't look like that last week.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
