sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
