One girl and one boy is just not enough.
If that was your dad, he is hot
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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