Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
this will be a night to untag.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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