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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
