I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
