your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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